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If my mom were to read this blog post, she’d be in complete shock that the same child she had to yell at to clean her room on a daily basis, authored it.
I too, find myself in disbelief, while simultaneously despising the feeling of satisfaction that comes with knowing my house is clean af. I feel like shamelessly enjoying it is synonymous with becoming elderly, & I am not quite ready to surrender my youth. So, yeah. I may only like cleaning my house a LITTLE BIT.. but while I’m doing it, imma be listening to all the essential 2000s hip hop/pop songs to keep the aging process from fully taking over.
With that being said.. I’ve compiled a list of all my most effective cleaning hacks & products that I’ve personally integrated into my routine. Why? Due to my innate ability to spill, stain, scuff, rip, & compromise the integrity of various surfaces/furniture within my abode.. I’ve had the opportunity to test many different methods & solvents. In the interest of saving YOU some time & money, here’s some cleaning tips/items that are 100% worth the hype.
1. Best multipurpose cleaner – Spray Nine Heavy Duty
I discovered Spray Nine at the start of the pandemic after reading something about it online. At the time it was the only cleaner that legitimately killed the COVID-19 virus. Once I bought a bottle of it, I saw that it kills a whole smorgasbord of other nasty shit, too. It’s also safe to use on most surfaces.. it even can be used as a carpet cleaner. Not bad for $5.
2. The GOAT glass cleaner – Magic Shower Glass & Mirror.
This stuff is literal magic. My hatred for Windex is real; I’ve never once used it on mirrors or windows without having steaks or smudges appear seconds later, & I feel that’s defeating the purpose. I stumbled upon Magic Shower Glass & Mirror during a Tj Maxx excursion & bought it with very little faith that it would rival the generic glass cleaners.. & holy shit, it blows every last one of them out of the water. Every mirror & picture frame I spray it on stays streak free and crystal clear. When combined with a squeegee for window cleaning, the glass almost looks nonexistent afterwards. Bonus points are added because I wholeheartedly detest cleaning the shower doors, & this keeps them free of soap scum & hard water build up for longer than any other cleaner I’ve used.
3. Best floor cleaner – Quickshine Floor Cleaner.
I have laminate flooring in my kitchen that is a rather eclectic color & is arranged in a pattern that isn’t exactly my taste (I inherited it from whoever owned the house prior)..’& finding something specifically made to scrub laminate was a challenge. The basic Swiffer mop was okay for quick clean ups, but I needed something more thorough. I used Quickshine after running through most of the stereotypical floor cleaners & was pleasantly surprised by how well it worked to purge the laminate of stains & dirt. It almost makes me not hate my 80s style kitchen floor as much.
4. For extra shiny floors – Quickshine Floor Finish.
Once a month or so, I grab a bunch of rags & wipe a thin layer of this stuff all over the floor. It leaves the laminate looking almost new, & adds a serious shine to every last tile. I love that I can use it all over the house, & it’s a quick & painless way to liven up old, tired flooring.
5. Best cabinet cleaner – Krud Kutter.
I’ve historically underestimated the amount of grease that builds up on kitchen cabinets. I’ve also historically overestimated the skill set of products I’ve used previously to clean them. Once I tried Krud Kutter & saw all of the grossness leftover on the cleaning rag.. Yikes.
6. Best wood cleaner – Murphy Oil Soap Spray.
This is the only wood cleaner I’ve used that actually removes buildup (& rings!) from my kitchen table. I tried sooo many other wood cleaners, & they always left a weird residue on the table that wouldn’t completely “dry”. They also did very little to remove any of the crap from the wood itself. Murphy Oil Soap not only yielded results, but it was the cheapest option as well – it’s only $3 at Walmart.
7. Best rust stain remover – Pumie Scouring Stick.
Story time! So, upon newly moving in with my (now) husband almost 8 years ago.. I got into the shower one day & realized I had bobby pins still stuck in my hair. I untangled the pins & stuck them on top of the shower doors, making a quick mental note to remove them once I exited. Welp, I never retrieved the pins from the top of the door, & they somehow toppled over into the empty tub without me realizing. They wound up leaving a rust mark on the floor of the tub, & I legit spent years trying to figure out how to get the stain (that was in the exact size & shape of a bobby pin) out of my life. I used every heavy duty rust-stain removing cleaner known to man.. & failed to lift one centimeter of the stain. One day in Walmart, I stumbled upon the Pumie Scouring Stick in the cleaning section & I read the back of the box to see what exactly it did. Upon reading that it was effective on removing stains from bathtubs, I dropped it in the cart. For only $1.00, I figured it couldn’t hurt. When I got home & began to use it on the stain, I was both delighted & appalled at how quickly it took that shit right off the floor. It was sorcery.
8. Best carpet refresher – good ol’ baking soda.
Having doggies as roommates is great – I grew up with 3 dogs, & always planned to be a dog mom as an adult. However, sharing a home with dogs means their hair will be everywhere, & if you don’t have a cleaning routine.. it can start to smell like you’re a dog owner before the dog even graces visitors with their presence. To keep the dog smell to a minimum, it’s important to vacuum often.. & shampooing carpets every so often definitely helps. In between “washing” the carpet, I attempted multiple types of carpet powders, sprays, etc. Both dogs either developed allergies to the cleaners, or began itching profusely following exposure. I resorted to using your basic, run of the mill baking soda, & letting it sit on the carpet for 10-15 prior to a vacuuming. It’s effective af at removing odors while remaining odorless, freshens up the carpet, & the pooches aren’t bothered by it in the slightest bit.
9. Best at cleaning the.. air? – BreathePure Air Purifiers.
I found these at TJ Maxx & bought 4 – one for our bedroom, the living room, & spare bedrooms. For $32, I figured wth, right? It was better than dropping $200 (& up) on a big ass air purifier just to find no considerable difference. I wasn’t expecting a radical change in the air quality, but as I said before.. with two dogs & seasonal allergies galore, I’ll take any assistance I can get to reduce any airborne allergens floating around the house. This past Spring was my first one with these bad boys plugged in, & it was considerably less miserable than the one prior. I also have gone almost a full year without a sinus infection (knock on wood). Definitely a win.
10. Best at removing adhesive/stickers – Goo Gone.
You ever buy something & the price sticker is so ridiculously adhered to the item that you’re forced to just.. leave it there? Or perhaps you’ve gotten some other misc. sticky crap stuck to your countertops or floors & the usual cleaners haven’t done the trick.. Goo Gone should be your go-to.
11. Best wall-washing cleaner – TSP Heavy Duty
I know this sounds crazy & realistically, who actually has time to wash their friggin walls.. but hear me out. My husband introduced me to TSP initially, & preaches to this day that it is an essential part of preparing any wall for paint. When we set out to paint our living room & bedroom, I went along with the TSP preparation plan mostly because I just wanted to get the paint on the wall so I could move on.. but as I was wiping down each wall, I was stunned (& grossed out) by how disgusting each cleaning rag & the TSP/water bucket became. Both had turned black by the time I was done with half of each room. Ever since then, at least twice a year I fill a bucket with warm water & TSP, & go back over each wall in the house.. because whatever grime is attaching to it, is horrifying. No thank you. And yes, it is important to do this prior to painting as well.. because otherwise, you’re just slathering paint on over dirt. (You can also use it on floors & windows!)
12. Best pet hair removal tool – Lilly Brush.
As previously stated, I have dog hair on everything I own. I try to keep the amount on couch cushions/other furniture to a minimum, so I tackle the never ending task of removing it on a weekly basis. I primarily used a lint brush if I couldn’t vacuum it up completely (since the couches are microfiber, there’s always a few lingering pieces that don’t want to let go). After my first time visiting the Container Store, I picked up the Lilly Brush because I was desperately looking for an alternative to the five million lint brushes I go through on a monthly basis. Once again, I wasn’t expecting a miracle.. & once again, I was both surprised, & impressed. The Lilly brush gets every last piece of hair unstuck from the microfiber & off the couch with very minimal effort. $10 well spent, & I highly recommend it to anyone with dogs (or cats.. or even just hairy family members.)
13. Best compact vacuum for small messes – Eufy.
I like having a smaller vacuum handy to get rid of crumbs/misc shit from countertops. I have a small Dustbuster already but the suction power is mediocre at best, & it pisses me off every time I use it. I found the Eufy & liked that it was even smaller than the Dustbuster & doubled as an air purifier. For such a tiny vacuum, the suction is powerful, & the battery life is solid.. you don’t have to charge it every five seconds to bring it back to life.
14. Best impulse purchase – Toppin Cordless Vacuum
I recently used the Dyson cordless vacuum for the first time at work, & I instantly wanted one for my house. I have an older Dyson model that still works, but I have to lug it all over the place.. the cordless one is easy to move from room to room, & finishes the job much faster as a result. Problem is – the Dyson cordless vacuum is $600. I found myself on Amazon searching for cheaper replica, & scoured reviews to ensure I wasn’t sacrificing the quality. I landed on this baby for $60. I’ve had it for about a month, & it’s made my life so much easier. I also think this model is actually quieter than the Dyson, which is a MAJOR plus.
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